A friend of mine put a joke about a police woman on Facebook the other day. It reminded me of a time that I actually tried to use my femaleness to my advantage to get out of speeding ticket.
My friend Elle and I were on a road trip. We were driving down Interstate 5 (I5). Now for those of you who don't know, I5 runs North/South from Mexico to Canada.
Through the central valley of California through the middle of Oregon and on through the middle of Washington to Canada. It's pretty dang straight and in parts monotonous. Very monotonous. Boring. I think you get the idea.
We were driving along a stretch that was particularly boring. The view around the area was pretty but it's so straight that it can get to you. There was a military convoy in front of us. I just wanted to get going. I was on a roll. I don't want to go the speed of a turtle. This convoy of Army trucks were just crawling along. I spotted a section that I could pass them and sped on by. Being pretty young and carefree I waved to the soldiers and blew kisses at them and generally having some fun.
Then I saw that vision that No one wants to see in the rear view mirror. Yep. The red lights of the CHP (California Highway Patrol).
I pulled over to the side of the road and got my license and registration out. Feeling pretty good with myself after passing a bunch of smiling and whooping soldiers I decided to try a nice coquettish smile and bat my eyelashes and generally play the female card to get out of the ticket.
I was practicing and getting ready. I asked Elle if she thought it would work. She looked back and said "I don't think so." Oh ye of little faith I thought. Watch me. I'll do it.
I turned around and started in on my eye-lash batting and ...
You guessed it. It was a female CHP officer. My face fell and I felt a million ways foolish. Elle, being my friend, just started laughing.
After signing for the speeding ticket and getting on my way - and coming back to pick up Elle from the side of the road that I dumped her on - not really but thought about it, I went on my merry way. Behind the convoy that had passed up while I was getting my ticket.
Being female just doesn't always work.
I haven't posted in a few days. Sorry for that. But I was at a seminar yesterday. It was informative. It was all day. It was eventful. Of course, I was there. He He.
The seminar was at a hotel at UC Davis Medical Center. For those of you who don't know, that is the MAIN hospital in our area. It is HUGE!. It's a teaching hospital and the Shriner's Hospital is right next to it but now it's in the middle of the complex. It has grown so much and parking SUCKS. I forgot that fact by the way. Took me 20 minute to find a parking place.
All is well throughout the morning. I had put in my order for lunch first thing. Just a turkey sandwich. Nothing difficult. Lunch comes around, I go to pick up my lunch and there is a problem. Everyone is nervous. I patiently wait for my lunch. But they say it will be a few minutes. No problem I will wait. They bring it out and apologize profusely for the error and do I want anything else on the house. I am fine. Say so and eat my lunch. I don't even know what the problem was. The sandwich was really good. But then I was offered free coffee (Starbuck's), free cookies, free chips, etc. And kept being offered despite my repeated replies that all is well. Now this I can get used too.
I use the facilities before going into the afternoon session. Before I could perform any duties I had the most feared thing happen. Yep. My cell phone fell in the .... let's just say it, the toilet. I saw it falling and was helpless to do anything about it. It made that plop noise too. All the while I started the rant of "No No No NO NO NOOOOO !!!!!!"
Yes there were other people in the restroom. I know they heard me. No one came to my aid tho. I really don't blame them. So I then steel myself and reach in to grab my phone and sure enough the $5 bill I was going to use for my lunch (which was already paid for thank goodness) fell in the same place. Rats!!! Now I am fishing both out and drying both.
I finally get everything as dry as I can and move to the classroom for the afternoon session. All is going along to plan. Then all of the sudden a waterfall that I hadn't notice before starts pouring right over my table that I am sitting. It's wasn't just drips. It was a full blown bucket of water coming through the overhead light. Splashing as it hits the table. I guess I am bound to be having an issue with water that day.
But then water and electrical things don't go together and the light starts to spark and pop all the while the water is still gush out. I hear a muffled scream (not me but someone else not even near this event) and we all move. Credit to the instructor - he just moves the table and keeps on going. Fairly quickly all is well - the light stops it popping and sparking, the waterfall dries up and we move along.
What an eventful day. I just bring that in folks I guess.
So everyone is talking about the Oscars today. Yes I watched them. Just like all you out there that are denying you watched but did secretly. I know who you are.
I watch Award Shows in general. Just like most all women. I watch for the dresses. I admit it. I love to see what the latest trend is. Who looks like a knock-out in that latest designer and who needs to be knocked-out.
I imagine what I would wear should I have an invitation to walk any red carpet. Of course I have 5 feet of legs and weigh 100 pounds dripping wet. Not to mention that a top designer is a close personal friend and I have $1,000,000 worth of jewels hanging from various body parts.
I imagine a that I would wear a princess dress just like something a starlet wore last night. Then I see another beautiful star walk down the carpet and I imagine the one shoulder number with the side slit in gold shimmery material. A truly stunning number that one. Then it's a Hold-the-presses time as that sleeveless ivory exquisite and dreamy dress (do I even dare call it just a dress) comes down the ruby red carpet hanging on that A List star. Not to mention those designer shoes and handbag to match. Does that A list star even deserve to wear such a creation as this. NO. But I do.
I walk down the carpet and smile at all the people and give innumerable interviews to the media and I stand there in MY dress with all the flashbulbs going off. Smiling knowing that I am the most honored woman there.
Then the most aweful thing happens. Yep, you guessed it. I wake up. Just in time to see the real stars walk the carpet. <sigh> Someday.
